CBS Hires Veteran Reporter To Improve Election Coverage

There are no Republicans in New York!

In a valiant effort to fend off allegations that Dan Rather might be "spinning" the news ever so slightly to aid the fading Jean Fraud Kerry presidential campaign, CBS news has added to their staff former Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf, once affectionately known as "Baghdad Bob," who will hereafter accompany Mr. Rather any time he is allowed near a camera. So far, with the aid of his able research assistant Jayson Blair, Mr. al-Sahaf has verified to CBS' satisfaction that:

1. All three of Jean Kerry's Purple Hearts resulted from vicious firefights which no mortal human could have even survived. Only Jean Fraud's superior intellect and unflagging skill and bravery allowed him to save himself and his fellow Swifties from certain death.
2. Jean Fraud did indeed spend Christmas Eve deep in Cambodia, accompanied by a Martian secret agent on a mission so classified that not even the Secretary of Defense and President could be told of it, much less mere Admirals and fellow Swift Boat officers.
3. There are no Republicans in New York. All of those pictures on the other news networks are PhotoShops.

Update: I couldn't resist moving this to the top of my blog in view of the latest 60 Minutes flap. Originally posted 1-Sep-04 01:59